As promised, randomness will occur here. Today is a randomness post about life and other refinements.
I just finished a large bowl of Mac n Cheese.. I am hugely full and I do mean if I needed to get up any time soon, a crane might be needed at this point.
I have not published anything in over a week here, while that was not intentional, it happened. I currently have a few different blog posts I have been working on, but none of them are ready to be published yet. They are in the works and will eventually make it out to your eyeballs.
I recently received my first real comment on this blog from someone named Max. It is in the About section linked at the top of the page. It is very nice to have people say such kind things to me. It is so touching to know that people have basically “grown up” with me and my little website. That is just so incredible to me, so amazing. I do not think I have ever done much important in this life, but to know that my words have meant something to someone is amazing and moving to me. Thank you for commenting, Max.
Max made me aware also that my Neopets account is no longer there. I know I checked into it less than a few years ago, so I guess something happened. I logged in and got the warning info about the account being frozen. Then I made a new account to contact support explaining my situation. Hopefully I hear back soon. My Neopets account was one of the oldest on the site, the creators themselves invited me to play years ago and I signed up within a week of the site opening up. I hope they can get my account returned to me. They wanted info that I could not quite remember so hopefully things work out. I would be sad to lose that account and not have it recovered.
I recently have discovered a situation online where someone has plagiarized my website, and not just in part but the entire thing, and I am in the process of dealing with that situation on a legal front. Stealing is wrong, mkay. It might be digital, but it is still against the law to take other peoples work and pretend it is your own. I have had this happen so often to me that dealing with it is almost routine now. When will people learn… originality is king. Write your own content and people will appreciate it. Build it and they will come has always been my website motto.
I have had some medical issues and one of them may require surgery. I will be going to the hospital this week to be evaluated. They will examine me and make a decision on what should happen next. Everything should be okay, but I am nervous. I do not like medical things.
I have been overly stressed lately and I have had extreme anxieties about many things going on in my life. There are some people that have hurt me lately that I have been trying to come to terms with. This is related to a recent post I made here titled Lost. Things seem to be better after talking to this person earlier today, but I am still bothered in some ways. I know that I just need to learn to live with our differences, that some things will never change. Some people will never understand some things because they can not identify with experiences they’ve never had. This is my emotional reaction to deal with and come to terms with. Luckily I have a lot of very good friends who do understand me.
And speaking of wonderful friends… I do have those. As I have grown through this existence I have done much soul searching and self discovery over the last few years. I feel like I am finally on the right path in life.
I have realized many of the mistakes I made in the past were because of bad decisions made from the very start. I always tried to be something I never was in this world.
I feel like I was robbed of many wonderful memories for the majority of my life. My childhood was complete garbage, those who know me know all about that. But also the last twenty years of my life were thrown away. I fell in step with someone who really never cared about me who turned out to be a cheater and a liar. I was stuck being around people that never appreciated me or truly loved me, people that lied to me, tried to manipulate me, hurt me emotionally without care, made me feel like everything was always my fault, people who stomped all over my self confidence and made me feel I deserved nothing good in this life. These people just threw me away as though I was nothing and nobody.
I was always trying too hard to please others that did not care about me and to make people happy who did not care about my happiness. I completely never tried to understand what I really wanted out of this life and who I really am. I never did that important soul searching that every person must experience at some point. In that, many years have been wasted, so much time was lost. Many regrets were had.
It is important to enjoy and support others happiness, but it is also important to find happiness within. Both of these things are important to having a happy and healthy life. Being happy within, and also spreading happiness to others. One cannot be truly happy without these basic things.
Over the last couple of years I feel I have finally started finding self acceptance. I have reached out to other people who are just like me and found real true acceptance from them. And I have let myself start being who I really am in this life.
The wonderful friends I have now are the most true and real friends I have ever had in my entire life. They understand me as I really am, they do not expect me to be perfect, they understand who I love. They identify with my struggles and reach out to me when life becomes overwhelming. They make me feel I have value as a person in this world and in turn I feel like I am healing from all the pain I’ve had to endure. They are the kind of friends I never thought I’d be lucky enough to know. I mean really know and really talk with… not fake friends who stick around for the fun stuff and walk away when times get difficult.
Last year I flew to San Fransisco to meet my closest friend and his girlfriend. We had such a wonderful time. It is truly the only time in my life I feel like I actually connected with someone who is just like me, who understands all of those things that no one else has ever understood. That is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Now my friend is going to be moving and he will be much closer to me so I will get to see him more often. Good times are ahead, many good times.
For me life is just beginning. As time goes on, things will only get better.
“Living a life of purpose means helping others and being sensitive, compassionate, and sympathetic towards each other. But I believe there comes a time when we all must choose between sacrificing parts of ourselves in order to compromise with the world, or standing up for who we are without apology and prioritizing our own precious needs first. After all, if you don’t take care of yourself, how will you have the strength or courage to take care of others?”
~Shane Bitney Crone