Dear Mr. Spider,
You just could not hold back temptation, could you? I was just eating corn and peacefully reading online about apartments. No, I wasn’t reading about how to eradicate Mr. Spiders from Earth. You missed the other several days that I have been doing that research in my free time (it is sort of like a hobby now).
Did you think I would not see you? Surely the tiny movement occurring between my face and the computer monitor was a big tip off. Yes indeed, you were fairly noticeable, even from the other side of the room in which I suddenly appeared to be upon your detection.
I was happy to catch you the other day in the shower in my pre-shower inspection. I would much rather find you this way. The surprise attacks make me far less settled about our living situation and does make me reconsider having you as a roommate.
Don’t you know I am very busy today? But no.. you had to come down and invade my universe while I was eating. Don’t you have your own little universe to reside in (that of every location other than the one that I am occupying at any given time)? You already have dominating rights to the ceiling at all hours of the day and you seem to be battling with me over sovereignty of the bathroom. Can’t we just agree that the 12 feet surrounding my face is my personal space and you aren’t allowed to invade there?
Found: A Tiny Mr. Spider.