Dear Mr. Spider,
First off: that was not funny!
Yesterday I was going to write you a letter but I got distracted. The letter was going to congratulate you on your increased stealth skills and your most excellent cloaking device you have implemented lately. I had not seen you for a good five days and it was starting to feel a bit.. quiet.. around here.
Knowing that all Mr. Spiders have super powers and yours is obviously mind reading, you knew I was planning to write that letter. Of course you could not disappointment me by letting me think you were possibly gone even if the letter never got published, but you did wait long enough for me to start feeling.. safe.
Being that I have been feeling comfortable without your presence, you felt it was time to end my comfort (obviously).
A short while ago I got my clothes together and decided to take a shower. I let the water run to a warm temperature and stepped in for a nice hot shower.
As I stood under the water for a few minutes my eyes, which are often unfocused and spaced out in the shower, noticed movement from above.
I tensed up as I focused on you as you slowly slide down from the ceiling on your webbing..
A side note: this is not a good stealth tactic.. black spider against white wall is pretty noticeable.
You slide down on your web with a smirk on your face, a look that shouted “I got you now!”
You decided to come very alarmingly close to my face.
This of course happened in a matter of moments and it took me until you were right next to my face for me to realize.. it was YOU.
I must say I have never exited the shower with as much speed or energy before, in fact the words “propelled out of the shower at high velocity like a speeding locomotive chasing a space shuttle while underwater in a submarine” might apply here as I was on the other side of the curtain before I knew my legs had reacted.
I stood there for a moment wondering if anyone on the floor above me had heard me cry out but no sounds came from my door.
Oh Mr. Spider.. I do hope you enjoyed your swimming lesson today. I know I sure didn’t enjoy my shower.
I say again: Not. Funny.
Less than humored,