Dear Mr. Spider,
You know generally I stay out of your way and you stay out of mine. This is an unspoken rule and I do my best to abide by it. Yet, why is it that you find a need lately to get close to me?
I do not want to be close to you.
I do not want to hang out with you.
I do not want to cuddle with you.
I do not want to be within the same 534km of you.
Generally, I would prefer if we both lived happy lives on completely different planets.
So when you decide that you want to slide down your webbing and snuggle against my shoulder, you should not expect me to cuddle back.
I especially do not cuddle Mr. Spiders when I am wearing my birthday suit.
I realize that ‘your’ swimming pool was near by, but at the moment I was using it. It is not a multi-user device, you know. This is a single occupant pool and I was here first.
The reaction you should expect from me is not at all like cuddling but is realistically more like what happened today – pretty much me turning into a human windmill whose arms are twirling at warp speed in an effort to propel myself away from you and you away from me as fast as possible.
It is enough that I check the shower every time before I go in, but now I must make a full bathroom sweep.
I am most impressed that after my shower I spotted you again. How did you get back so fast after I sent you swimming? I saw you crawling along the wall and I saw you first, so back into the pool you went. I realize that you have super powers, but I can tell you have been working on organizing faster respawns so you can return from your swims quicker.
Maybe the water wasn’t to your liking this time?
Anyways, please.. no more cuddling.