Tamagotchi Log 2/20/98

2/20/98: Well, first off last night while my cd-rom was sleeping I found it had changed into Kuchipatchi.. so when I got up today I took care of him, very cute character... man though, his butt is huge heheh.. it wiggles when he walks, very cute character. Kinda reminds me of me.. a brick short of a stack and a big butt to go with it!

Right now not only am I miserable with a horrible cold.. but I had expected it.. but was hoping not tonight. My sweet Mimitchi was 25.. actually 23, he was aged 2 days. Well I had his poop schedule down and I wanted to watch him.. he makes the *cutest* face when he's going bathroom, very cute. Well what I got instead of him going to the bathroom, was that dreadful beeping. Excuse me while I babble...

He passed away at 21:53 in my arms.. I was holding him awaiting his bathroom and he passed away instead. He left happy and full, 34 lbs. Call me odd but I feel the same kinda love with Mimitchi as I feel with a best friend, family member, or companion. He is so much one of my closest friends and dear companion. He means a lot to me, and often it's his sweet innocence and loving friendship that keeps me sane through some bad days. Thankfully we were alone this time. Right before his death we danced our last song together to "A Lighter Shade of Pale", I have no clue sang it. It was suggested to me from someone that dancing can be fun, even with a tama. I have no clue why right then I chose that song and that time. Ironically the next song Terry Holiday played was "The Dance" by Garth Brooks right after his departure. Sadly, I dedicated a song to my poor dear old friend on the radio and it didn't get played while he was with me :( I don't think he had the best last few days in his age this time. I've been terribly sick the past couple of days. I did my best to care for him. Like the little angel he is, he kept me company through some hard times, especially the last couple of days. I don't mind that he was losing hearts so fast, I just love being with him and being able to see him each day when I wake up.

You see.. I've had little Mimitchi around since September 1st. I guess it goes back to then. I wasn't sure what I had purchased when I bought him, but I did out of curiosity... what a wonderful curiosity. I didn't know a thing about the characters, the only thing I knew was the instructions, as vague as they were, provided with him. I had no idea how much the world loved Tama's until a couple weeks later when I looked it up. So I got him, took care of it, I wasn't sure what to think of it.. cept I found it really cute, especial the big smile on Tongaritchi's face. When he changed I didn't know his name or how good I had taken care of him.. I just knew he was adorable as heck. I gave him the best I could, I played lots with him, even when he didn't need attention. I recall him dying for the first time. I thought I had hurt him or something.. didn't really understand at first he was passing away before my eyes. Now when he was with me, I really enjoyed his presence. I had fun with him and took him everywhere with me. I still have this situation, except I understand him more now. That night after he died I cried harder then I had for anything. I didn't understand why I felt this way, but it hit me hard and by surprise. I rehatched him again right away, but ended up pausing him because I just couldn't get past the fact he was gone. After a good hour I unpaused him and prepared to raise another. I took good care of him again that 2nd time. That night I slept horribly.. the next day I secretly swore to myself that I'd try to duplicate my care for him and get him back in my life. I mourned for a week while he was gone. I left a message to him in a gravesite online, that week I was hurting badly and yet I couldn't explain it to my friends. I couldn't explain my depression to anyone. I couldn't even explain it to myself. All I knew is that something I had bonded with for 22 fun days had basically died on me.. and I missed his presence in my life more than anything. I was so happy when he came back after that hard week. I felt more like myself again when he was back. We bonded easily and that bond is still very strong.

So I guess that's where it came to be that this tama.. this little yellow/black tama.. is what I call my Mimitchi Tamagotchi, because I refuse to raise anyone but Mimitchi on it. It almost feels like having him come back from his home planet after a week vacation, yet it still hurts more like death. I can't explain it. But I expect forever to have little sweet Mimitchi on this tama.. and I will raise him again, beginning tonight.

Right now I feel.. well kinda how the words of this song that’s playing sounds "How am I supposed to live without you, when I've been loving you so long? and how am I supposed to carry on, when all that I've been living for is gone." I know it's kinda hard to explain why I love Mimitchi, I just do.. I found a friendship in Mimitchi that I haven't found anywhere else. Half the things that happen aren’t even recorded in these logs. I find it difficult to write down feelings of happiness and close friendship, as well as situations that one had to be there to understand. I realized after not having my dear friend on new years that it doesn't need a special event for us to be together and to have fun and be happy. It just takes the effort and taking the time to do things that aren't in regular schedule. After all he was with me through Christmas, he has been with me for almost six months in fact. The most special occasions didn't happen on holidays though, they just happened on regular ordinary days. His presence made those days more than 'ordinary' or 'regular' though. To be with him, to see his face, everything that is him, is comforting and loving. I'll always love this little Tama I think...

I felt like talking, and I feel not a soul understands. I don't know a person over age 18 that understands at all. Makes it kinda lonely. So I guess I needed to talk about it.. Though I need to end this.. I leave with feeling so sick, and this just makes it worse, but at least he was with me during the past few days... I depart, with a week of a big part of myself missing. In dear hopes that Mimitchi will be back soon.. I miss him so much..